September 2010
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    Anne Carson

Sara's bookshelf: to-read

June 23, 2010

Sleeping, waking, and damned revelations

When Megan started at the library, her 9 a.m. work time changed as well. The onset of her new job was also the onset of an 8 a.m. work time and a 6:30 a.m. wake time. We carpool in together because it seemed silly to go separately, and pay separately for transit, when we’re going to the same place.

For the entire school year, I was sluggish and tired. I blamed school/work stress. That probably was at least in part true. But what was also at play was a slowly building sleep deficit that was starting to drive me crazy.

Hi, my name is Sara, and I’m a night owl. Always have been, always will be. At around 9:30 p.m. I get a flush of energy - the desire to write, to play music, to clean - and tend to be pretty up until nearly midnight. It used to be 1 a.m., but I’m trying to go to bed earlier with Megan.

So, I’d been going on this sleep deficit, as well as the stress from work and school, and I just broke. I have to get up after 7.

To those people who would say “you think you have it bad!? I get up at 5!” I say thpbbbbbt. You probably also walk uphill to work both ways too. You are my problem, though, because you are the voice in my head telling me that going to work from 9-5:30 is luxurious.

It’s not, though. The last two days, I’ve been going into work at nine. I am a different person. I don’t spend the morning in a half-daze trying to get things done. I can focus again.

I came home tonight completely energized, carrying five bags of mulch with me and proceeded to deal with the yard for three more hours. Last week, I was incapable of doing this on a work night, where I came home and hovered in a daze until 9:30 at night when, guess what, energy came. I would fight and swear and curse at it. Why?

We as a society should spend a hell of a lot less time judging the tenacity of people by the time they wake up, and a lot more time looking at peoples’ actual productivity. Mine is up. Probably because I am.

In other, completely unrelated news, I was listening to music as I was gardening and an Ani song came up in the mix. An Ani song that gave me a revelation into things brewing in my life right now. I will repeat, I had a revelation while listening to an Ani song - because of that song. I don’t know that I could possibly get any gayer right now. I thought I would make that embarrassing thing public because, well, why not?

by Sara @ 9:57 pm

May 1, 2010

Site redesign this summer

Unlike last summer’s abject chaos, this summer is looking more normal. Therefore, I’m going to be giving a bit more than just a facelift to the site. According to my archives, this design/site was built in 2007 - forever ago - and it looks it.

I have a lot of ideas personally, but am wondering if anyone has input. I’m probably going to expand things a bit beyond the blog (which will stay), but am wondering - should I expand the scope of the site? Invite contributors? Change focus?

You can tell me in person/on twitter/comment here.

by Sara @ 11:01 am

April 30, 2010

Movies in the park and Minnesota tattoos

Most of you Minneapolis folks know by now that the summer Music and Movies in Loring Park is on “hiatus” in what was supposed to be its 34th year.  What hiatus means - other than that it for sure won’t happen this summer - I don’t know.  The Walker seems to be shifting it’s priorities to exclusively on-site programming.  (Wolfgang Puck doesn’t have a restaurant in Loring Park, you know…so many lost beer/food sale possibilities.)

This is a sad development for a number of reasons.  One is that Minneapolis has a long tradition of awesome, free, creative events.  It’s one of the reasons people want to live here and talk it up when they’re elsewhere.  These free events build community in ways that paid events simply cannot - if only because the fact that they’re free means anyone can join at any time.

There is serious Minneapolis - and Minnesota - pride in this town.  Just go to I Like You or any of its ilk and you’ll see a wide array of MPLS/Minnesota/Midwest pride things to wear or hang. Adam Turman’s Minneapolis art is incredibly popular. And I saw two girls tonight alone with Minnesota tattoos on their arms. I’ve seen others with the tattoo, either outlined or filled in, with a heart or star in the place where the Twin Cities lie.

This is not an accident or a coincidence. This town has a wonderful quality of life and we know it. We’re proud of it, we’re proud of the businesses that support it, and we’re happy to support it ourselves. So when I see one of the iconic free events of Minneapolis slip away so quickly, it’s saddening and maddening.

Thankfully, the Walker’s (bad) decision probably won’t be the end of Loring Park’s movies and music. People are upset, and people are often willing to organize to support the things that make life special. And people are trying to get the ball rolling.

This has particular meaning for me as Megan and my first date after we met was at the Music and Movies in the park and it was perfect and really set the tone for our relationship from the start. Sourdough bread and brie from the Wedge. A cheap bottle of white wine from Humm’s. A blanket and us under the trees watching an old movie with hundreds of others, laughing along with the crowd. The bridge. The sculpture garden.

It’s an iconic event, and it shouldn’t end. But if it does, I have confidence that Minneapolis will pull things together. I have been to so many community-driven events in the last few years especially that I have great confidence in the creativity and ingenuity of the people in this city. I know we will fix things when organizations break them.

by Sara @ 6:41 pm

April 12, 2010

Quick thought after #minnewebcon

Most awesome moments are ephemeral and so despite the fact that I’m exhausted after a day of a good conference and good people, I needed to capture this before I forgot.

As I was leaving the post-conference Grumpy’s time, I was talking to @sh1mmer (Tom Hughes-Croucher) and he commented on what a great web community we had here.

I couldn’t agree more.

What I wish I would have had time to say is that the only reason we have a good conference is because we have a vibrant and engaged web community. We have been and strive to continue being something that responds to groundswells of need and allows our local experts to highlight interesting work and push us forward creatively and intellectually. Without a community of talented people who want to share and develop together, the conference ceases to be.

That’s all I wanted to say. And I hope anyone who didn’t see their needs met will submit a session proposal for next year!

by Sara @ 9:11 pm

February 15, 2010

Oh Valentine…

Despite the fact that I dislike Valentine’s day on principle (I find it obnoxious to have a holiday that seems to have the express purpose of making single people feel like crap), I couldn’t help but give Megan a present (a simple Wordpress and theme installation for her cooking blog). She, in return, made brownies.

by Sara @ 8:45 pm

February 14, 2010

Creativity. I miss it.

About five years ago, when I was pondering going back to grad school yet again (because I am addicted or something), I ran into my old screenwriting teacher at Lunds and asked him what he thought.  He said “it will kill your writing.”

Not to be overly dramatic or anything, but he was mostly right.  Things like full-time jobs also kill your writing, but there is nothing like the brutally awful prose(?) of social science journals to make you forget that words can feel like something.

But between the 40 hours a week of work, the two classes, the prep work for conference proposals and accepted papers, and trying to round up scholarship money or grant money for travel - yeah, it kills not only your writing, but your creativity in general.

Reading shouldn’t be something you suffer through; even a scientific text can be rich and entrancing if you care about craft.  I know that isn’t a focus of the programs that generate scholars, but my life would be far more enjoyable if the craft of writing was at all evident in the world of research.

So today, after hours of torment, I set aside the texts and played guitar and spent the evening cooking with Megan and listening to the Valentine’s Day playlist on The Current.  Exercise and creative time are things I shouldn’t sacrifice, I will just have to force the time to appear out of nowhere. I’m so much happier this way.

by Sara @ 9:47 pm

November 26, 2009

Turkey in the bathtub

The other day, I was reminiscing with my friend Kristen about our first Thanksgiving together in New York (10 years ago) - and how it was pretty much the best Thanksgiving that ever existed.

If you’ve never lived far enough away from your family that traveling back home was too much to do for both Thanksgiving and Christmas (or just that time of year), you’ve missed out on something awesome. New York is full of youngsters, as we were, who can’t afford to travel around much and every Thanksgiving was full of drinking and food and dessert.

But the first year was really the most special. Kristen and I had just moved to what would become a terrible place in Sunset Park in Brooklyn and we decided we were going to host Thanksgiving for our friends there. We bought a turkey, which we discovered was too big to thaw in the sink, so my sharpest memory of the night before was of Kristen setting the turkey to thaw in the bathtub, and petting it, thanking it for giving its life so we could have a party.

We made the traditional potatoes and green beans, and what Kristen reminded me of yesterday was that we didn’t have enough plates for everyone to eat off of, and so we ate off saucers and bowls and anything that was a flat enough surface.

Ah, New York, people may think of you as the crowded city, but I think of you as a place where your whole building makes Thanksgiving together and it is awesome. (And I miss you guys.)

(Move to Minnesota.)

by Sara @ 11:29 am

October 31, 2009

Impassioned application vs. impassioned critical theory

Here is where I ramble on about my academic struggles. Just a warning.

As most of you who know me IRL know, I’m doing the PhD thing with a peculiar blend of program areas: Learning Technologies (education + technology in its myriad incarnations) and Culture & Teaching. I continue to be pretty bullheaded about the importance of merging the two, but this creates an almost constant sense of intellectual tension for me that I suppose is healthy and (in the long term) beneficial.

The core of my tension is this: as a front-end developer type and tech geek who finds no small amount of joy in embedding myself in the tools and flow of the online community, I’m concerned with creation and application. If I’m not making, I’m not learning; if I’m not learning, I’m already behind. I think this is elemental to those of us who create online designs, presences, websites, environments, applications, etc. We are doers and constructors. The attitudes and perspectives that fuel this type of person inevitably pour over into how they think about and what they focus on in research. The kind of action-oriented passion that drives the LT program is what drew me to it - especially after a year of reading about research done on mediocre projects, I cannot tell you what a relief it is that I wound up choosing a program in which the faculty create brilliantly designed applications for education.

But I’m not only focused on design/application creation. I’m also a writer whose primary fascination is the deconstruction of the political complexities that underlie our daily existences and our systemic structures. This also means I have a particular fascination with how what we build reinscribes modes of power or how (and for whom) the space is defined. This is why I needed the CAT program in tandem with LT. That sort of work is hardly ever done in the world of education + technology.

The problem/issue that arises with this disconnect is that most of the people who are studying technology and the digital sphere from what I would call an “outsider’s perspective” study this area from an “outdated perspective.” In this, I’m classifying people who do not create/do as “outsiders” and alleging that their separation from development results in a lack of understanding of what our technology is moving towards and therefore their studies and research are retrospective rather than current.

Does this make sense? Or am I getting to hung up in my own mental space?

What I worry about is that the middle ground that I want to exist - doing and deconstructing - doesn’t really exist. I worry that I will inevitably fall into one camp or the other and lose something as a result.

Anyway, I could go on, but we have an out of town visitor who just arrived - so that’s enough of that!

by Sara @ 1:15 pm

October 12, 2009

On Loyalty

I spent much of the latter part of last week doing one of the things I do best (and enjoy most): being a thorn in the side of lockstep thinking. Even though I’m too much of a speck to truly change anything in this instance, the least I can do is challenge the assumptions people put forth as “common sense” (or even “commonly agreed upon”).

In my experience, it is very easy in marketing meeting type situations for people to blindly acquire and use the language presented as their baseline. What I mean by this is that, if the people running a meeting use a word like “spin,” the people in the meeting will think in terms of spin. This happens for a variety of reasons: people want to impress those who have more power and therefore don’t question underlying premises of a discussion; people are afraid of losing their jobs so they play along even if they’re annoyed; or people - when faced with contributing to something they disagree with - hold their tongues rather than speak up. The reluctance to speak up is sensible. It’s self-protection, but it’s just as likely a result of the speed with which and the manner in which people construct thoughts and arguments. Some people need to take time to dissect and construct and are marvelous thinkers - but aren’t quick thinkers.

Anyway, the series of discussions was about something of a pretty broad scope. It’s something I consider both potentially incredibly beneficial and dangerous simultaneously and my hunch is that it will be used in both ways, which I can’t do anything about. The most I can do is try to help construct and frame positive uses. But that’s not what I’m talking about here (if I tried to sum up everything I said, we’d be looking at an even more long-winded blog post than usual).

What I want to talk about is how we develop a lexicon and how destructive a lexicon can be once it is assimilated into regular speech. In this instance, the term “spin” came up (as in: how to “spin” the U in a positive light), as did the term “loyalty” (as in: how do we create loyalty to the U - implicitly, how do we create loyalty to the brand of the U?)

Let’s take on the word “spin” first, because it’s easier to deconstruct. In fact, Jon Stewart did it quite well several years ago when he deconstructed what “Spin Alley” (the place the cable news people cut to when discussing a debate) actually means during his infamous Crossfire appearance:

You go to spin alley, the place called spin alley. Now, don’t you think that, for people watching at home, that’s kind of a drag, that you’re literally walking to a place called deception lane?

But what I believe is, they’re not making honest arguments. So what they’re doing is, in their mind, the ends justify the means.

Honesty is the core here. In “spin alley” you’re talking about dishonest argument, in “spinning the U” you’re talking about a dishonest presentation of the University. Nothing is inherently positive. No one is going to have exclusively positive interactions with anything ever. So the question is this: are you going to try to artificially force positivity or are you going to spend your time and money creating experiences and opportunities that people actually feel happy to be a part of?

For instance, if I say that the faculty of my PhD program areas of Culture & Teaching and Learning Technologies are freakin awesome, that isn’t spin. That is genuine sentiment based on a positive and ongoing experience. Creating positive experiences and painting positive pictures are very, very different things.

You get the picture. Let’s move on to the concept of loyalty.

In the context of this discussion, we’re essentially talking about getting people affiliated with the U to be loyal to the U. And here is where the problem of the lexicon comes in. If there is a group and those leading a session ask a question that is (paraphrased) “how do we increase people’s loyalty to the U?” then the group’s job is to respond to that without actually questioning the question. You respond with ways in which to increase loyalty, rather than to ask whether loyalty is what we should be working towards.

Since we’re talking broad scope here, we’re talking students, alums, external folks, faculty, staff…can anyone see the issue of using a term like loyalty with all its connotations (faithfulness, obedience, devotion) in regard to people whose economic and professional fates are tied to the institution? Additionally, the notion that we ought to be loyal to an institution rather than committed to a collective purpose strikes me as terribly hollow. If the U is merely a shell or a brand, then commitment is meaningless. It’s the U’s purpose that people are committed to, not a tagline or an institutional brand.

Of course, purpose is a tricky thing: it actually needs to be actively developed and worked at. A brand can coast on its merits and has sale value. A purpose is a moral imperative; veiling that moral imperative in branding language allows people to forget the purpose exists, it allows people to pursue the game of marketing for its own end rather than the higher purpose they are supposed to be serving.

Loyalty, however, if induced - the concept of “raving fans” was discussed - is a blind, emotional, and arbitrary tie. What does it mean to be a fan of the Vikings who paints his/her face purple? Who cares! They come to the game, buy the jersey, drink beer in the stands…they give us money.

That is the source of my aggravation. The thing that twists me in knots. If the goal is loyalty - a word chosen in a winnowing process of meeting after meeting after meeting - then it appears we want nothing more than consumers. We’ll provide them as much as the bare minimum they require in order to come back and purchase something another day.

And this is why language is important. If, instead of asking how to create “raving fans,” we asked questions about facilitating and building community, and how to maintain our own authenticity so that the actual experiences people have with us are positive/beneficial (rather than just spun to be so), we would be asking far better questions and getting entirely different answers.

(Now, one could say that my professors/TAs back in undergrad at the U did a pretty damn good job of helping me develop my critical reasoning skills, but none of these discussions are really about quality - just perception - so it’s kind of irrelevant.)

by Sara @ 9:48 pm

October 4, 2009

Whip it

This isn’t really a movie review.

I sometimes wonder why sooo many crappy awful movies for dudes get made. And then I came across statistics - via Traction - that in 2008:

  • Women comprised only 16% of all directors, executive producers, writers, cinematographers, and editors working on the top 250 domestic grossing films (a decline of 3% since 2001 and of 1% since 2007).
  • Only 9% of directors were women - no change since 1998
  • 22% of the films released in 2008 employed no women directors, executive producers, producers, writers, cinematographers, or editors. No films failed to employ a man in at least one of these roles.
  • 90% of the films had no female directors.
  • 43% of the films had no female producers.
  • 79% of the films had no female editors.
  • 96% of the films had no female cinematographers.

If you take a moment to think about what that means - that the vision behind the movies, how things are interpreted, how things are portrayed, how our attention is directed, how a story is cut, how a story is told, who the protagonist is, who we should care about, who we should forgive, all of it is predominantly controlled by the male perspective - it’s a bit overwhelming.

It seems beneficial to remind ourselves that as self-congratulatory as we can be about women’s progress, we started at such a position of disadvantage that we’re still not even close.  Actually, there was an article in Jezebel back in August that got this topic stewing around in my head.

In an article about an NY Times scan of the big studio schedules by Michael Cieply, they highlight one of his paragraphs trying to explain the disproportionate dominance of male directors.

In one respect, homogeneity among its film directors might actually help Hollywood in a business sense. Studio films, year in and year out, continue to pull in crowds worldwide at least in part because they look, sound and feel like what has gone before.

What can you say to that? I’ve been under the impression that Hollywood has actually not been pulling in the box office numbers they need to in order to sustain their business model, but whatever. It also completely ignores how movies influence our culture at large, and how alienating it is for people to rarely see accurate representations of their lives in film. That was one theme that came up in The Celluloid Closet in regard to queer representation in film - that there were almost no representations of real queer lives in film (this was in 1995ish).

So when we went to Whip It last night, I was thinking about all of this and paying attention to how the movie showed women’s bodies, lives, sexualities, and humor in a female-directed, female-written film. I’m not saying that the movie was some groundbreaking work of feminism - it was a fluffy, feel-good, entertaining movie - but the representation of these different aspects that I noted were actually significantly different from other mainstream films I’ve seen recently.

  • The skating scenes, of which there were many, were striking in that they focused on the competition, athleticism, brutality, and sexiness of roller derby - as opposed to focusing just on the sexiness and turning the female characters into playboy versions of roller derby girls
  • It is really nice to see the quirky, female character as protagonist - the character that gets to develop and discover aspects of herself and become a more complete person - rather than as the girlfriend of and foil for male protagonist development
  • Speaking of that, it’s also nice that though the romantic relationship had an impact on the main character, it wasn’t the core of the female protagonist’s transformation. I hate how hugely rare that is, but it’s refreshing to see
  • I just really liked the range of female characters, the ways the different ages of the female characters contributed to friendships and relationships and their interactions with each other

What I want: more movies with female protagonists, written/directed by women. Let’s just balance things out.

by Sara @ 10:19 am

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