August 12, 2008

What does a girl do when the other girl is gone?

Apparently, that girl reverts to all her obsessive behaviors. Worked all night, save the time I was on the phone with Megan. Installed the new WP and plotted future improvements to the site. Read and plotted grant applications for my real job. Tried to break away from the computer. Failed. Wondered if I wanted to incorporate Twitter in my blog.

I was also reading a bunch about salary negotiation/feminist finance type stuff and feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of saving for a down payment on a house. I know everyone says “do it now! it’s so cheap!” but those were the same lines I was being fed two years ago - “do it now! interest rates are so low!” And then everyone on the planet got foreclosed on. Hyperbolic, I know, but there are dozens and dozens of foreclosed/foreclosing homes in my neighborhood and you can feel the stress of it when you walk down the street.

Something I don’t really advise at night, now.

To those of you who read here, I know you’re not much of a commenting crowd. You often respond on Twitter or in person, depending, but what improvements do you want on the site? I could thread the comments, but won’t if people still don’t care to comment. I could pull in a twitter feed to keep some kind of content fresh.

I can anticipate topic areas this fall. Let’s have a preview, shall we? (Oh humor me, Megan will be back tomorrow and I won’t need you to put me to sleep at night again for a while. Let’s just talk a little longer.)

Things that will likely come up beginning in September:

  • ruminations on technology in education
  • bitching about how much I dislike the statistics class I just spent a billion dollars on books for
  • thinking about the role of race in researchers and, by extension, the role of researchers in developing race
  • election ‘08
  • the old standbys of feminism, racism, and cool technology things and promoting my friends’ activities because they are awesome
  • and of course - how googley-eyed I am over Megan

Yup. I think getting off teh interwebs is a good idea…

by Sara @ 10:29 pm

July 14, 2008

Yeah, I’ve mellowed

We’re coming up here on one year. And by “we” and “one year,” I mean Megan and I are coming up on our one year anniversary.

It’s a big deal for me. Maintaining relationships has never been one of my greatest skills. I am, at my core, a frenetic girl. Warp speed brain, distracted, self-involved. As one of my friends (who I won’t name because he’s all “I want my privacy”) and I have discussed in the past, dating is hard for creative types like the two of us because the blank slate is all possibility and we can write such interesting tragedies.

And, c’mon, who doesn’t like a good passionate tragedy?

It has struck me over the last few months that movies/stories I once identified with (oddly enough, these stories are passionately tragic…) seem, well, kind of boring.

This kind of sustainable, non-tragic love has been good for me. I’ve mellowed a bit. Yeah, I’m still a ball of mental energy, but it’s not quite the same.

And so this is a public thank you to Megan:

  • for humoring my need for text exhibitionism via Twitter et al and the blog and for the fact that she inevitably winds up with a presence there as well
  • for being the ideal counterbalance to my spaced out, distracted mind
  • for watching Countdown and appreciating Wonkette and introducing me to fantastic feminist blogs and consuming information and news at the same kind of rate that I do
  • for being independent and stubborn and seemingly incapable of being steamrolled by my personality (no small feat, people)
  • for understanding that anything I don’t know I must find out immediately, even if it means dragging my computer into bed to look up something on Wikipedia
  • for being beautiful
  • for making me a better person
  • for all the things I can’t/don’t want to share on my little blog

This has been a year of being the happiest ever.

by Sara @ 6:15 pm

March 17, 2008

The strange, interconnected world we live in (and Happy St. Patrick’s day!)

Back in the day when I had a black and white screen computer and a 2400 baud modem … you know, like 1997 … I really had no idea things would be the way they are right now. The ways in which our lives are publicly consumable–sometimes intentionally, sometimes not so–is a little strange.

I noticed this weird trend after the 10 year high school reunion I had no desire or reason to attend. It was 2005 and suddenly all these people I went to high school with were looking at my Friendster account. I’ll interject here that it’s not like I disliked any of them, nor do I harbor real resentment against the vast, vast majority of people I spent my childhood/teenage years with. I knew a lot of decent people, and a number of people who I really enjoyed spending my time with.

The thing is, as an adult, I’ve made very conscious choices about who my friends are and should be. I’ve little curiosity about what my former classmates are up to–excluding those whose friendships were important to me or the few who continue to be my good friends. I’ll admit, when I was living in New York, my friend Megan and I decided to create rumors about ourselves and see if they spread and it’s entirely possible the rumors that she was a stripper with implants and I was a dominatrix actually made their way into conversation…but I’d kind of forgotten we did that until I saw all those pictures of the folks I went to school with.

I was listening to RadioLab with Megan (not the Megan from the above paragraph, my wonderful girlfriend Megan) and it was about deception. A part of the hour was about this guy who decided to stop lying. He recounted a story about an evening he spent with people he didn’t really care for and then was invited out again–but didn’t want to go. He said he couldn’t make it (which was true that time), but when they asked what date was good for him, he said something to the extent of: I don’t have time for the friends I have…and this isn’t worth it.

Heh. Harsh, I suppose, but also true. I’ve used that in the past with people I’ve dated. You can call it mean, but it’s true–I have a lot of friends. People I don’t get to see nearly enough, and the only way I can really maintain new friendships is to be able to bring people together–which means there needs to be some hope that someone I see as a potential new friend would have good group interaction with the people I already love and make time for.

I was thinking about this quite explicitly last week, too, after my women and money class (yes, I am feeling rather empowered). The woman leading the class was talking about making time and financial decisions, specifically about how when she had four young children they were late to everything and she was always crabby. She decided she couldn’t do everything they’d been doing and had to make some decisions about that. People were upset with her because she wasn’t as available as she had been–one woman in class asked if her friends/others ever got over it. She said: they had to.

With the changes that have happened in my life this year, and with the changes that will start in the fall, I’m in one of those places. I’ve been on my own for so long, and completely uncommitted to anyone’s needs but my own, that people have gotten used to me being almost immediately available if something fun comes along. That’s just not the case anymore and it’s an adjustment for all involved. This isn’t to say that I’ve become some sort of homebody or anything, but that my life is structured differently. I’m really, really enjoying the difference and the way my life is changing and I know that in the end people will get used to scheduling things with me differently and I’ll somehow find time to hone the balance of work+relationship+school+friends as well as any human can.

I guess this has been a digression from the original paragraph, but it’s all tied together somehow. I guess I don’t really understand this need to reconnect with people I hardly know. I’m not adamantly against it or anything, I just don’t know how anyone has time for it. And I guess I feel differently about people I was friends with in college or graduate school. Those were years when I chose my environment… Maybe I’m just kind of a jerk. I can live with that too.

by Sara @ 12:15 pm

March 7, 2008

This is what love looks like

I just needed to balance that last post with something nice.

Other people at the party?  What?  Didn't see them.

by Sara @ 4:57 pm

February 21, 2008

What I have learned lately

Working full-time + one graduate class + planning a conference + my women and money class + social life = a sadly lagging blog.

I’m not going to go off on any current events right now–there are oh so many, from the stupid sex thing in the Times about McCain to Bill-O’s “lynch” comment about Michelle Obama–I promise that I will soon, but I’m just plain tired.

Right now I just want to say that I’m coming to New York in early June with Megan and I’m so excited for my NY people to meet her because she’s just so very lovely and you’re going to adore her. Yay New York! I’ve missed you, you drunken, dirty city, you.

I promise to come back soon with snark…

by Sara @ 4:39 pm

February 4, 2008

Online dating services and your $$$

So this sort of amuses me. From the US News & World Report via Jezebel:

Not only do you have to worry about your heart while making dates online, but now your wallet is at risk, too. The Better Business Bureau reports today that complaints about online dating services are on the rise.

The most common gripe? Poor matches. Consumers said they were set up with people who did not meet their criteria, including some who were already married or who smoked despite their request for a nonsmoker.

And the bad dates came at a hefty price, with many services costing upwards of $50 a month.

To protect your money (and heart), the BBB recommends that you be skeptical of advertising for online dating, do a Web search before signing up to see if others have complained about the company, and stand strong against high-pressure sales tactics and automatic contract renewals. (And remember, you can always dispute unfair charges with your credit card company.)

Wow, $50/month?!

Crazy what people will pay when you have free things advertising your single/dating status like, oh, Myspace or OK Cupid or Friendster or Facebook

Well, I’m going to assume that the dating “services” that are so spendy are catering to a different segment of the population….

Because, you know, as for bad matches…I’ve gotten myself enough IRL bad matches or blind date set-ups to take the online snorers or weirdos in stride. Expecting some online test to perfectly pair you with your dream-person is just dumb. It’s just as dumb as assuming the really hot person you spot from across the room is your dream-person before she opens her mouth. Dumb.

I’m just going to, for a moment, cheerlead and say that my experiences with online dating weren’t any worse than my non-online dating experiences…and that I met the girl I’m blindingly, completely, giddily in love with on OK Cupid and despite our shared interests, values, etc…I’m not sure when we would have ever met in person. I have friends who are friends with her friends, but I can’t think of a social situation where we would have been put together. Nor do I think anyone would have set us up…yet I’ve never met anyone more perfect for me.

Thank you, Internet. I heart you.

by Sara @ 5:24 pm